Maybe you are curious and your partner is not, at least not yet. Or maybe you have heard about the swinger lifestyle and the idea tempts you, but you are not yet sure it is a good choice for your relationship. That is perfectly normal, and “not yet” is just as good an answer as “yes”. In our experience, swinging can bring a lot of good into a couple's life, but the decision is yours alone. Below is a list of the pros and cons of the swinger lifestyle, which we hope will give you a clearer idea of what this experience involves.
What is swinging?
Before any elaborate, complicated definition, we need to understand that swinging is a lifestyle. It is aimed at people who are open-minded about sex and involves openly practising it with partners from outside the couple.
Depending on various criteria, swinging falls into several categories and offers several ways to live this lifestyle. You just need to experiment and discover what suits you best.
The advantages of the swinger lifestyle
Many couples tell us the experience has brought them closer and opened up their communication. The moment one partner is no longer satisfied with their sex life is a delicate one in a marriage, and most of the time it comes from monotony. For some couples, swinging brings a breath of fresh air. But it is not a cure for a relationship in crisis, and it is not for everyone: it works when you both want it just as much and have agreed on your limits beforehand.
It helps you discover your hidden pleasures
It is a very good way to find out what you like most when it comes to sex. By interacting with people who live the same experience as you, you can always be honest and open about your sexual desires. You can fulfil your erotic fantasies by experiencing free sex with other couples or with singles, or you can satisfy theirs, discovering new things that give you pleasure too.
It improves communication in the couple and helps you know your partner better
The moment you say "open relationship", you automatically mean communication, honesty and freedom of expression. More than in ordinary relationships, when you and your partner decide to start a swinging life, you need to talk openly about it. Why are you doing this? Will it affect your relationship? What are the rules? What limits are you setting for yourselves?
Once you have made your first visit to a swingers club, you will inevitably talk about the experience. Did you like it? What did you like most? What could you do more of? Did anything bother you? Will you go back to the club?
All these conversations help you know your partner better, understand what gives them pleasure and discover desires you had not noticed, that they had not told you about, or that even they did not know about until now.
It can enrich your sex life
Many swingers say their sex life has become more varied and more fulfilling: they have discovered new things together and talk more freely about what they enjoy. Every couple's experience is different, though.
Health comes first: always use condoms and get tested regularly for sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
The disadvantages of the swinger lifestyle
The swinger lifestyle is not yet socially accepted by everyone
Although the idea of swinging has evolved and grown a lot, especially since dating sites for this niche appeared, there are still people who do not embrace the concept. Prejudice is still common and sometimes aggressive. Normality does not mean the same thing for everyone, yet some people consider their own normality universally valid and penalise any departure from it.
Because of people who confuse swinging with cheating or immorality, and who, convinced that something is bad for their own relationship, forget that they should not penalise those who see the same thing as a benefit, people who live this lifestyle sometimes have to hide it from family, friends, colleagues and society in general. Living a secret, double life brings a lot of stress and takes up a lot of time that, when you are already juggling work, children, sport and other family activities, you usually don't have.
Your partner may not agree with you
When you decide you want to start swinging, you need to be sure your partner wants it just as much as you do. There are cases where one person wants to try swinging and the partner agrees only to please them. That is where many problems start. The balance of the rules the two set tips against the one who accepted the experience only for their partner's sake.
So swinging, which should normally intensify a relationship and bring the partners closer, ends up only creating resentment between them. Remember that at the heart of any successful relationship (between swingers or not) there must be honest, open communication.
Jealousy may appear in the relationship
Jealousy usually appears when someone feels their partner is giving more attention to someone else. First of all, you need to give emotional exclusivity to the person who holds the main place in your life and make sure your partner is aware of it.
Jealousy can come up for either of you, and it does not mean something is wrong. Talk about it before and after every night out. Agree on a discreet signal that lets either of you end the evening at any time. Arrive together and leave together.
Swinging for single people
Single people can be part of this lifestyle too, but at Bad Romance they can only attend together with a couple who knows them. The main advantage of this lifestyle, for single men and women alike, is that you can satisfy your erotic desires and fantasies without any obligation to a particular partner. It also helps with personal growth and with discovering what you are really looking for. By experiencing sex with several partners, you can more easily set the criteria the person you would like to start a relationship with in the future should meet.
The disadvantages of swinging for single people usually appear in the long run, when you decide you want to start a relationship. At first it may not be easy to give up this lifestyle if your partner does not want to adopt it. Or you may simply fall into a routine in which you completely lose the desire to be in a relationship with a steady partner. Of course, there is a lot to weigh up, whether you are part of a couple or not. After all, any important decision needs careful thought.
The first step
If you do decide to start swinging, begin with a party at a club. Socialise with people who already do it and listen to their opinions and experiences, from which you will certainly learn a lot. Talking directly to people who live this lifestyle will give you a much clearer view of swinging and help you work out whether it is really what you are looking for.
